Dear Matthew,

- Going Below

Dear Going Below,

Instead of giving you a step by step play book for oral sex, (read: get expelled) I’ve decided to offer some broad tips and places to go for instructional material. Yes, they have instructional material on this stuff, and it’s not located in the Forum section of Penthouse magazine.

I gathered some girl friends of mine together at one point on this subject, and there were a few things that they all agreed on. Take notes.

1. Oral sex is going to be different for each woman you’re with, like sex in general. The quick and easy recipe for great oral sex is to ask your woman what she likes, when she likes it and how she likes it. Communication is 99 percent of the answer for any relationship issue. Keep this channel open if you want to keep her around, and keep the sexual fireworks exploding.

2. Soft and slow first. This is important. If you attack her clitoris without her being properly aroused you’re going to get a knee in the eye. Soft touching with long slow licks of your tongue to start is always best. When she’s aroused enough, you can move into firmer pressure with your fingers, tongue and lips. Try “slurping,” a soft, subtle sucking on the lips of her vagina and her clitoris. Don’t try to pull the thing off, just playfully suck. Also don’t switch between fast and slow strokes and directions continuously. If you hit on something she enjoys, stay with it for awhile.

3) Watch her body language. Her writhing and moans are just part of what will tell you whether she’s having a good time or not. If she’s pulling away or pushing your head away, or grabbing something sharp to poke you in the head with, a sudden and rapid change in your technique is warranted.

If you’d like further instruction, there are a couple of videos put out by sexual institutes that seem to have a fairly good reputation among women I’ve talked to. I’ve watched them and put some of their techniques to work with varying results. The Sinclair Institute at www.bettersex.com is probably the most widely known. They publish a series of sexual instruction videos including some specifically on oral sex. However, the women I’ve talked to have been less than impressed with the quality of instruction found here. The information is good for a man with little or no knowledge of the female body and how to please her.

Another, www.tantra.com is lesser known, but has a wide variety of online lessons and articles on sexual instruction and sexual betterment. They have videos, DVDs and books on oral sex, etc., but remember most of these revolve around the Kama Sutra, that ancient textbook on sex itself. Still this is an excellent success.

One last video is my favorite, and I’ve had wonderful success with it, however, I’m keeping it a secret. If I give it up, how do you expect a man with my looks to compete? Sorry.Your questions answered anonymously! Write Matt or Kara: sdsucollegian@yahoo.com.

The women I’ve loved have been like the tides of the ocean; moving in and out under the wane of a force I neither control nor understand.

A trio of recent suicides at New York University has brought the rise of mental illness among college students to the forefront of discussion at many universities including SDSU.

Also being discussed at many universities is the struggle to deal with this growing caseload.

The trend has left many campus mental health services overwhelmed by the number of students seeking mental health care and almost all expanding their services in order to keep up with demand, according to a 2001 report published by a group of college mental health counselors.

So far SDSU has not been a part of this trend, but the school will need to expand its facilities and increase its staff in the near future to serve an increasing caseload, said Janet Mullen, director of health and counseling services.

“We are daily at capacity,” Mullen said. “I wouldn’t say we’re overwhelmed, but we’re working very, very hard.”

The mental health survey showed that the number of students with psychological problems and the number using psychotropic drugs increased from seven percent in 1992 to 18 percent in 2001. The same study showed 85 percent of the universities surveyed reported an increase in their mental health caseloads.

Figures for SDSU were unavailable because there is not an automated system to track statistics. However, each campus counselor is seeing an average of seven students a day, which is the maximum daily caseload, Mullen said.

The center has no psychiatrists or psychologist on staff and must rely on state-certified counselors and graduate students to fulfill counseling needs in addition to referring five percent to ten percent of their caseload out to professionals, Mullen said.

“The rate of problems on college campuses now seems to be equaling the rate outside the campuses. Kids aren’t getting crazier; they’re just getting more like the outside world,” said Hara Marano, an editor at “Psychology Today” magazine. “College is the prime age for the eruption of mental health problems.”

There are a myriad of reasons for the increase of mental health issues among students, Marano said. There are the classical stressors of leaving home, fitting in and worries about future job markets.

However, students are competing at an ever earlier age, causing them to alienate themselves from the support group of friends whom they see as competitors for grades and jobs, she said.

“There’s more academic pressure than ever,” Marano said. “These people have portfolios at seven years of age. There’s just a tremendous (amount of) competition.”

The increased use of antidepressants and psychotropic drugs has helped some students from falling by the academic wayside who normally would not have been able to handle the college environment, Marano said.

SDSU tries hard to make sure students with mental illness continue to stay in class, Mullen said.

“This campus is very accommodating,” Mullen said. “They’re willing to do most anything to get a student back and for them to succeed.”

The fading stigma of seeking counseling and taking antidepressants has helped bring more students to the campus counseling center, said Hande Briddick, a graduate student who counsels students at SDSU.

“Some students come just to improve themselves,” Briddick said. “College students have to fulfill so many roles. Their lives are qualitatively different from those not enrolled.”

Jane, a senior political science major at SDSU who asked that her real name not be used, has shied away from using medication to control her depression, but has sought counseling on campus.

“It’s more acceptable now to go see a counselor than it was 10 or 20 years ago,” she said. “I’ve shied away from taking the drug, because they alleviate the symptoms. They’re not a cure.”

Despite the increased numbers of mental health problems on campuses and the use of medications, the suicide rate of college students has actually fallen from 122 in 2000, to 80 in 2001.

According to the National Mental Health Association, suicide was the second leading killer of college students in 1998.

The suicide rate among 15 to 24 year olds increased two percent in 2002, compared to nine perecnt among the same age group that was enrolled in one of the Big 10 universities, according to Marano.

The last completed suicide on the SDSU campus was Dec. 6, 1982 when 18-year-old Brian Arends was found dead in Binnewies Hall.

SDSU has not seen an increase in suicide attempts, according to University Police Chief Tim Heaton.

“I credit that to the staff at SDSU caring about the students,” Heaton said. “I think the mental health facility does their best to help.”

The counseling services are free for students and staff will always make time for emergency appointments in addition to manning a crisis hotline, Mullen said.

Dear Matthew,

I was a rape victim. Now, after being with my boyfriend for about two years, I realize that I am unable to open up to him sexually. I feel like when we make love I float to someplace else. I love him; it’s not a problem with him, it’s me. Any help?

-Afloat

Dear Afloat,

When I began this column the mission was to entertain and inform. Some columns, like this one, had to tackle the ugliness that sex sometimes represents. What happened to you was ugly. A man, and I use that term loosely, linked something that was supposed to be beautiful and intimate and turned it violent and ugly. That depraved act is rippling through your life today. It has stalled your emotional growth. Every time you have sex with your boyfriend, your body and mind react as they did during your attack. They close you of; they guard you from trauma. The floating away you describe is perfectly normal.

The key here is, through time and counseling, to separate the violence of the rape from lovemaking. Your boyfriend will need to be supportive and patient during this time, and you must be frank and honest with him about your feelings and needs at every step. First and foremost, know that the rape wasn’t your fault. Nothing you said, did or wore brought it on. Rape is about power and not sex. Sex is simply the tool that savage beast used. Secondly, know that you are not alone. Somewhere in America, a woman is raped every 90 seconds, according to the Department of Justice statistics for 2000, the most recent breakdown of statistics I could find. There are plenty of women who have been through your ordeal, survived, prospered and have perfectly normal sex lives now. You cannot and should not face this transition by yourself. I urge you in the strongest possible terms to take advantage of the rape counseling services on campus and in the community. If you fail to tackle the rape and the myriad emotions that come with it, it will sit like a cancer in your body, eating away at the very fiber of your soul and sabotaging any hopes for a normal, intimate relationship ever again. Rape is not a one-time trauma. It sticks with you. If you don’t break free from its grip, the rapist continues to have the power he sought in the first place. Something tells me that you are stronger than that rapist, that you’re braver than you give yourself credit for. Otherwise you would not have written here. Matt and Kara can help! Try sdsucollegian@yahoo.com.

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