It’s hard describing heartache because it is a one of a kind thing. Heartache can cause serious injury and a whole lot of endless pain. Most of us have felt this at least once in our lifetime.

We have all been through that heartbreak, the “games” of dating and hopefully a few success stories as well. In this week’s column, I’m going to be honest, open, and fully exposed to my dating history. Here’s a look at what has made me “Doctor Love”.

I started dating my sophomore year of high school. My dad had always taught me to keep to my morals and treat women with respect. For me, it wasn’t about making out or partying in a cornfield. I was looking for that “high school sweetheart” that so many of our parents talk about. For my first girlfriend, however, her plans were slightly different. Like a sad country song would say, she left me standing there in the pouring rain, three weeks after we started.

After graduating high school, I still kept to those morals I learned from my father. After trudging through my first year at SDSU, I attempted to date again. This time, I met a kind-hearted girl who shared similar views on life, morals and dating. Since my first attempt at dating had ended in a tidal wave that could have sunk a few ships, I vowed to be more open, honest and better at communicating. Sadly, almost two weeks in, her friends dropped off the stuff I had bought her at my door and “that was all she wrote”. Starting off 0-2 in the relationship department was like the beginning to a bad football season.

Towards the end of summer 2008, I started dating a co-worker of mine. She was spontaneous, humorous and intelligent. However, I struggled with the difference between jealousy and trustworthiness. For any man that has stuck to his morals and kept his chivalry approach, you’ll know what I am talking about. Three weeks in and I was out by hearing the dreaded words, “it’s not you, it’s me”.

For anyone that seems to be at odds with the dating gods, I know what you are feeling. I constantly battled with the idea on whether it was myself or everyone else. I vowed to never date again. It wasn’t until I kept to my values and settled for nothing less than what I deserved did I find what I was looking for.

Four months ago, I found the one that has matched me step for step. Sharing the same morals that resemble my character, she is the one I can trust and someone I can lean on. I owe so much to my father for showing me what chivalry is and how far morals can take you. My advice to you for this week is to stand firm in what makes you who you are. If you’ve found what you’re looking for, I’m happy for you. If you haven’t, stay strong. I am Doctor Love and I’m signing off.

Every relationship has its trials and tribulations. In a healthy relationship, a correct balance of chemistry and independence is needed for a relationship to maintain and grow in form. Small arguments or disagreements can also open different lines of communication. Throughout a relationship, you should always be growing with each other, but also as a person. Secondly, you should be constantly finding new things about your significant other you may have never known. Remember, relationships need work just not by one person, but by both of you. Different things can make or break a relationship.

5. Friends and family: friends and family play an extremely large part in anyone’s life. However, this does not mean you need to be flawless or be in agreement with everything your significant other’s family and friends believe. The secret is to be respectful to their beliefs. They believe you are a different person and that you bring a different view to the table. Maintaining a friendly relationship with the closest people in his or her life is a factor in keeping your relationship alive.

4. Past interests: typically, a relationship is defined to be two people. Because of this, throwing a third person in the equation leads to disaster. Suspicion and distrust of a lingering ex can throw a wrench in your relationship. My advice is to communicate with your significant other to discuss the fact that you are not interested in the past. Also, communicate with the lingering ex to establish your feelings. Make it known that you are not interested.

3. The Blueprint: learning from past relationships can play a large part in the relationship you are currently in. The biggest mistake, however, is judging your current relationship with your past relationships. Every person brings something significant and interesting to the table. A relationship shouldn’t consist of a “blueprint” of the negative things of your past. You also should not criticize your significant other for doing things that remind you of the past. Although things may seem relative at times, be proactive in this approach.

2. Be Yourself/Be Together: this is one of the toughest issues that face most relationships. The secret is striking a balance between “being together” and “being you”. Stress comes in many forms, but stress is often created when you seem to have no social life. Talk to your significant other to find the right balance of homework, studying, friends, family and relationship time. If too much independence occurs, your significant other may start to feel lonely.

1. Cheating: this is, unfortunately, the largest relationship destroyer. Not only that, it’s a destroyer many couples do not survive. Communication and trust are the two critical elements to a successful relationship. Once someone confesses to cheating or is caught cheating, both of these critical elements are nearly, if not completely, destroyed. However, some couples still find a way to maintain a relationship. Although you may work past the cheating, the future hardly seems bright. My advice to you is simple: Don’t cheat. If the chemistry and passion has lost its touch, communicate that with your significant other and find a solution.

Doctor Love can be found on Facebook! With over 150 fans, you can be a part of the movement for a better relationship. On Doctor Love’s Facebook Fan Page, visit the “Discussion” section to tell him what YOU want to read or request advice on. Remember, I’m Doctor Love and I’m here for you.

An anonymous writer once said, “Some day, after we have mastered the winds and the waves, the tides and gravity, we will harness the energies of love. And, for the second time in the history of the world, man will have discovered fire.” We enter the college world to obtain a degree, find and grow friendships, and hopefully find the one you are meant to be with.

However, balancing love and college life can be stressful and perhaps result in heartbreak and misery. Although your college degree will stay with you forever, your heartbreak will not. I’m Doc Love, writing to my fellow classmates. I’ll be your outlet and your advice. I have no degree, but what I do have is experience. You have the ability to be successful in college and relationships simultaneously. Throughout this semester, I’ll help you through the heartbreaks, flourish your love life, and bring a fresh, new look to love. You are not alone in this journey. There were over 11,000 students in your shoes last year at SDSU.

Balancing love and college life does not have to be a permanent stressor. I have geared this article to answer to those that have just started a relationship, maintained a high school love life, or perhaps left someone behind. Below are tips to help you, the reader. You may find that you need to alter these tips to suit your situation.

Share

Sharing your class schedule with your significant other allows both of you to see when it is suitable to spend time together. You may have heard the line, “Well, I thought you were in class,” or, “didn’t you have lab this afternoon?” This avoids miscommunication at the basic level. You may find that you both share the same lunch or dinner period, opening up a possibility of time spent together.

Communicate

Although you may have shared your class schedule, communicate to your significant other the time you need to study and the time you need to spend with your friends. Everything here at SDSU can play a huge part in your success through college. Communication is one of the key factors in a breakup. Finding ways to spend time together, but still achieving your college and social goals, is what will make your time here valuable and well-spent.

Create Traditions

Find a time during the week to set aside specifically for your significant other. Creating traditions not only grow a relationship, they allow some downtime in between your schoolwork and friends. Traditions do not have to be repetitive, so be creative.

Be Supportive

The times you don’t spend together are the times your significant other may need you the most. Sending little notes via text or email, flowers, cards, and voicemail just to say “I’m thinking of you,” may relieve the stress in your significant other’s life. Remember, be creative.

Balancing love and college life does not have to be difficult. Using these four tips has helped me evaluate my time spent here at SDSU. Relationships do take work, but relationships do not have to be an “8-5″ job. I hope that this semester each one of you can take something away from my columns. I’m not a journalism major or a counselor, but what I am is one of you. I’m Doc Love, and I’m here for you.

Keep sending your questions to doclove2009@hotmail.com. This is Doc Love, and I am signing off.

Text messaging no doubt has revolutionized the communicational realm in which we all live. In a world where Facebook, MySpace, Blogger and SMS text have transformed the ways we communicate, we must not forget the ways in which our parents and grandparents met: face-to-face. It’s time to drop the sure-type fingers, ladies and gentlemen.

First dates can be a success story or a disaster. However, you can play a large part in determining that outcome. Understanding that first dates may have awkward moments, do NOT send an S.O.S through SMS. Although that awkward pause in between topics may be a cause to sweat, texting during a date only makes your potential significant other feel even more uncomfortable. Putting them in a situation in which they may feel as though you are subtly talking about them will limit their ability to strike up a conversation.

After parting from a successful first date, I advise being patient with your second move. Although at times the urge to text right after a first date may be overbearing, I encourage you to do so in a fashionable manner. For example, sparks flew during the date, conversation was flowing and she seemingly finished every sentence you started. Instead of “jumping the gun” on an invitation to a second date, leave a reminder of how much fun you really had. Acceptable messages may be, “I really had a lot of fun tonight” or “I just heard someone laugh exactly like our waitress.”

The worst in text communication may be the follow-up date. After patiently waiting for your second move, the “invitation” to a second date should not come via text message. If you are uncomfortable with a second date, perhaps the time is not right. However, if you are comfortable with a second date, you are comfortable doing so face-to-face.

SMS texting can be detrimental in sharing your deepest, darkest relationship quarrels. Acting on the temptation of typing your feelings and fears in a limited text messaging field limits your opportunity to hammer out flaws. Overall, if you are uncomfortable sharing information face-to-face, it should also not be shared via SMS text.

If you have ignored my advice so far, this is one I would recommend not ignoring. The most important rule is: DO NOT break up over SMS text! Any breakup initiated via text message is classless. E-mailing, Facebook, MySpace, Blogger or SMS texting to end a relationship does NOT adequately end ties. This reflects poorly on you and could damage future relationships you may have. The convenience of a text message in the present may create complications in the future.

Keep sending your ideas, comments and questions to doclove2009@hotmail.com. This is Doc Love, and I am signing off.

One of the toughest things to endure after a relationship ends is the break up. The proper ways to get over a crush or the one you love have been debated since day one. This article will hopefully provide you with helpful tips and advice to ease your pain and get over that mountain. These tips have helped me get over some of the toughest times after a break up, and I hope they prove successful and help you ease the pain too.

Tip one: Closure. It’s important to end any hopes of getting back together. You owe it to yourself for it to become crystal clear. They need to tell you, “We’ll never get back together. I can’t love you anymore.” It provides you with “closure,” which will start the healing process.

Tip two: Take them out of the spotlight. The important thing after a break up is to stop idolizing your ex and building them up. Stop admiring photos, collages, letters, and personal memories of them. You also need to stop jumping to answer text messages and/or Facebook messages. Your objective now is to start the healing process, so don’t go out of your way to answer their call. They no longer deserve that treatment.

Tip three: Stop the contact. After the finality of the relationship, you need to find ways to stop contacting them or the healing will not occur. If you’re one that “drunk-dials,” turn your phone off. Don’t write e-mails or Facebook messages or dedicate songs on the radio. THEY will find YOU if they want to. If you find yourself contacting them and finding your way back, I guarantee you it will only be temporary. They already know you want them back, and trust me, most likely they don’t care.

Tip four: Write down your feelings. One of the best things to do is write your feelings down on paper. However, I would advise you to NOT send it to your ex. The last thing you need is giving someone a “good laugh.”

Tip five: Avoid their friends and where they hang out. Stop meandering around where they hangs out. Until you have gained closure and comfort, being at the same location will only bring back memories, causing an even lengthier healing time. Stop asking their friends how they are doing or if they are seeing anyone. You aren’t ready for that yet.

Tip six: Throw away the memories. Having a group bonfire where your memories are being engulfed in flames is extreme. However, removing pictures, collages, poems, gifts and clothing from your eyesight is essential. If you are having trouble figuring out what is appropriate to remove, keep this in mind: If the object in any way reminds you of your ex, remove it.

Tip seven: Start the growing process. Moping around your house and creating “cabin fever” only leaves you with time to remember. Try something new, like snowmobiling out in Rapid City, traveling to various locations or spending time with friends.

Tip eight: Rebuild that self-esteem. Any breakup can ruin your self-esteem, but it is important not to take the breakup personally. Everyone goes through these times and will most likely go through them again. Remind yourself that you are not alone, trust me.

If you take these tips and apply them to your situation, I guarantee your healing process will be successful. Not all of these tips may apply to you, and changing them to fit your situation may be necessary. I hope these tips offer successful advice. To share your thoughts, opinions or ask for advice, contact me at: doclove2009@hotmail.com. This is Doc Love, and I am signing off.