Brian Lecuyer

Throughout this school year, we’ve had some laughs, some chuckles, a few sighs, more than a few angry rants but overall one thing has been consistent: certain people don’t like this column. I know this because of the dozens upon hundreds of strangers have walked up to me, punched me in the face and said, “I don’t like your column.

This week, because I’m lazy, I’ve told Jarid Kvale, last year’s much funnier humor columnist, to write my column for me. For those who were curious, Jarid now works at IBM in Rochester, Minn. Yes, he has a wife, and this time, she’s real. Since Brian has taken a week off to do whatever it is that Brian does (my guess: sitting on the couch in his underwear watching old episodes of “Coach” while eating Cheez-Its, at least until his roommates have him assassinated), I am taking this opportunity to make my triumphant return to the Collegian.

“Studies show old people are just as good as drivers as sleep deprived apes.” -Lisa Simpson Nothing in the world is more irritating to a young, on-the-go college student than having to deal with the old and feeble people on the highway. We must wait behind them as they crawl along down the road going (of all the God-forsaken speeds) the speed limit.

Society considers our generation a bunch of greedy, self-centered jerks. It would shock them to learn that we think of others every once in awhile. It would shock them see a bunch of young, able-bodied college students contributing to an organization that seeks to make someone else’s life better.

As strange as it sounds, hassle-free furniture stores often pester you into buying expensive futons. This is just a warning to all who dare venture into the realm of furniture purchases. It has nothing to do with anything else. NOTHING. Anyone who thinks a hidden message telling them to walk around campus naked exists somewhere in the above text is just plain old foolish.