Hello everyone. Great paper the last two weeks! I love arguments over religion and abortion; they are lovely topics that will surely continue to be debated until the end of time! If nothing else, they are topics that certainly make for stirring debates and interesting reading. I was first content just writing lighthearted humor columns, but now I’m feeling slightly left out.

The topics of religion and abortion are subjects that should be debated exclusively in a philosophy class. Public displays and debates regarding these issues are an enormous waste of time. Most people feel strongly about their religious beliefs and their views on abortion. These feelings are deeply ingrained for most adults and young adults. In most cases, these views are not going to change unless individuals are open to that change. If people want to find God or gain knowledge on abortion, they will seek it out, and under those circumstances, it will truly mean something.

I’m surprised that the GAP program would take such an aggressive approach in their attempt to sway students’ beliefs on abortion. People simply don’t respond well to having views pushed upon them or to any form of aggressive tactics such as the graphic images displayed on campus. Some might say that people had the right to look away, but that is irrelevant. Seen or unseen, the images represent an aggressive means of delivering a message which deviates from the whole point of the display. Yes, the images serve to stir up a well-established and never-ending debate, but isn’t the goal to inspire a change in viewpoint. It would be like SDSU students going to USD and hanging up posters saying “USD sucks” in an attempt to recruit new students. The better approach would be SDSU going to USD and saying we respect your institution, but this is why you should come to SDSU. The same holds true for groups on our campus. Just for the record, USD is a fine school, although their campus looks like something I’d expect to see nestled in a paper bag and flaming on a doorstep.

While these organizations hope that people will be open minded to their message, they often show little respect or consideration for opposing views. Due to the sensitive nature of some issues, that type of behavior usually puts people on the defensive whether they oppose a group’s position or they are in the middle. This might explain the frustration of Eric Novotny. While Christian and anti-abortion groups may feel like they are serving a purpose by setting up tents and displaying posters, they often serve only to alienate people who don’t share their views or those who are undecided.

My point is that sensitive issues require sensitive forms of conveyance. I personally believe in God, but would never push my beliefs on anyone else unless they asked that I share. While I applaud the passion and conviction that campus organizations have shown, I think some need to re-examine their methods of delivery. One’s dedication to a cause or unwavering beliefs would better serve and be more appreciated by someone seeking that knowledge.

Wow, we have reached the end of another fantastic year. Congrats to the seniors who will be leaving us for more schooling or perhaps to just be poor and exploited elsewhere. As for me, I’m rockin’ the five-year plan which means more craziness and more columns. This week, I felt compelled to discuss my hatred for college textbooks since we are getting so close to finals week.

As if finals weren’t bad enough, I get the pleasure every semester of getting ripped off at the bookstore. However, I can’t blame the bookstore because they are simply doing a job and providing us with the newest available books. Although they do have a mark-up of 20%, that is actually lower than the 25% one could expect to pay at other stores. The real culprits here are the book Nazis or publishers that are setting the outrageous prices and putting out thousands of new editions that we don’t need.

Here is the bookstore scenario for me at the end of every semester. After a spell in line, I make my way up to the counter and the clerk says, “Sorry new edition, yeah, new edition on that one too, but I can give you three dollars for that book and two dollars a piece for your other two.” Five books and I walk out with seven dollars.

I know that books are improved and new information is added, but doesn’t it seem just a little suspicious sometimes. Philosophy, for instance, the great questions of life based on the work of philosophers such as Socrates, Plato, and Aristotle. These guys aren’t exactly Tupac coming out with new stuff thousands of years after their deaths. I also wouldn’t guess that the new edition answers any of those life questions like “Why am I here?” or “Does God exist?” Maybe the 40th edition can answer some real life questions like “What’s the best deal on liquor for less than seven dollars?” or “How depressing late-night infomercials are for the fat guy with asthma and a small penis?” Now that would be interesting. If those questions can be answered, than its $80 well spent, otherwise give me my money back.

The book Nazis are in the business of giving us the business and it blows. I have to talk about my Spanish book briefly. I had to take the same class twice because of some alarm clock related problems and I noticed the sixth and seventh editions looked awful similar. There were a few minor word changes but my friend Juan on page four was still on page four in the seventh edition only slightly older. I thought hopefully the seventh edition will teach me how to say some expletives in Spanish. So that way if I ever run into my buddy Juan I can explain to him in his own language how the book nazis screwed me over again.

My point is this, its crazy that we spend so much money on books and yet it never seems like we get more that a year of use out of them. As a society that stresses the importance of education, one would think the system would be more cost efficient. For many students and their families, paying for a college education is difficult and it’s sad that our system exploits them constantly.

Alec Strenge is a senior journalism major

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Do you ever feel like you’re living in the world surrounded by idiots? Those people that are dumb and walk around without even realizing they’re dumb. The ones that think their CD-Rom drive is a cup holder or think that President Bush should actually be in office. I’m starting to believe that the stupidity problem afflicting our society could be some kind of virus and we are all being slowly infected.

It started a few summers ago when I began watching “Blues Clues” religiously. I suppose I might have regressed somehow from that. I would figure out the clues right away and sing all the songs, you know, because I’m really smart. Truth is I’ve always been a nerd, but when your 10-year-old brother is watching more intelligent programming than you, it’s pretty sad. I am making more of an effort now to watch better television, for instance I’m hooked on the Gala network. It’s all in Spanish so it has the same mystery and problem- solving elements as “Blues Clues.” I get to sit there trying to figure out what the hell I’m watching which can be really hard unless it’s wrestling.

Even though my television habits are awful, they are certainly not the only grounds for my worries. I tend to support the virus theory because as I get dumber the people and even animals around me seem to follow suit. I’ll start with my cat Melanie. She insists on crapping over the side of the litter box and then will sit there for twenty minutes vigorously trying to bury her job. You might be thinking just buy her a taller box, so she can’t hang it all out over the side and everything will be okay. Nope, I tried that and she hopped in, squeezed her butt right up next to the box and proceeded to shit all over herself. Good kitty!

The same type of stuff is happening at work. I’m hanging out the other day and an older lady comes up and says, “Excuse me, do you work here?” I’m standing there wearing the company hat, an apron, tie, my nametag, the whole bit. Frankly, I was rather shocked and was just like, “Ahh…Yeah.” I should have just said, “No, sorry I just dress up like a clerk for fun.” The exchange between me and that woman are moments in my life that are forever gone. If only for a few seconds, it still pains me. Any dialogue on the foundation of stupidity is never enjoyable. Sadly, it didn’t end at work. In fact, it followed me to a party later that same evening.

I love to just point fingers at everyone else but no one is above this disease, including me. I woke up the other day and was in a hurry to make it out the door and I was going crazy because I couldn’t find my keys. I turned the place upside down for like fifteen minutes looking for them and had no luck. I got all frustrated and started feeling sorry for myself, like, “Why does this crap always happen to me?” I had just woke up, and I won’t lie, I had done some drinking the night before so my mind was a little cloudy. I started telling myself to calm down and not be all upset. I decided that I just need to sit down and try to think clearly so I could figure things out. Anyway, I plop down on my couch and right away I hear the familiar jingle of my keys, they were in my hand and had been the whole time. How retarded is that?

I guess we all have our moments when we just get tired of having to think so much. Mainly because it’s hard and it makes your head hurt. As for whether the stupidity thing is a virus or something else I can’t say right now. Blue and I are going to keep digging for clues and I’ll be sure to let you guys know anything we find out. However, right now I’ve go to put away my handy dandy notebook and head on over to my thinking chair.

Alec Strenge is a senior journalism major.

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Happy Valentine’s Day to everyone! I can say it was happy for me because it was the first Valentine’s Day in a while that I didn’t have to spend a sick amount of money.

Girls always say they don’t care so much as long as your gift is from the heart. That is officially the biggest lie ever in the history of mankind. It’s like when you take your significant other out to eat. They always say they don’t care but you can be damn sure the places you pick will be wrong.

The way it really works is we suggest a place and then they get that look on their face and say, “No, I don’t really feel like eating there.” So after you’ve rattled off every place in town and driven around for 30 minutes, you end up finding out where they wanted to go all along and it’s usually the last place you thought of going. Say something to us, please!

Same is true for Valentine’s Day and it blows. They usually have a pretty good idea what they’d like but the thing is they’re not going to come right out and tell us. Most the time it comes to us guys in the form of subtle hints. If you happen to be fortunate enough to pick up on that, it still doesn’t guarantee you any success.

The reason there are no guarantees is that Valentine’s Day is merely a strange competition between women. When their girlfriends ask about the big day, they want sufficient reasons to brag about how sweet their boyfriends are.

This is the point where it gets tricky. There is always going to be that guy that screws everything up for you. “So what did you and Sean do for Valentine’s Day?” The friend replies, “Well, he took me to where we had our first date and we had a nice little meal. Then a helicopter flew overhead and it dropped in a life-size sculpture he made of us holding hands.” Thank you Fig nuts, now not only have you ruined Valentine’s for any guy associated with friends of your girlfriend but you’ve raised the expectation for next year. So thanks to that guy, all we get is a headache and an empty wallet and nothing to show for our efforts.

If you’re having a hard time understanding the whole competition thing, just force yourself to watch The Bachelor for five minutes. Half of the girls on the show don’t even like the guy but they get all crazy because of the competition. That is a fundamental difference between guys and girls: girls are catty and guys just don’t care. You could put any guy on that show and a third of the girls would be convinced they loved him after the second day.

The solution to the Valentine’s Day problem is simple: Get rid of it. Why is it that we need a special day to acknowledge the special people in our lives? Relationships are hard and it takes effort every day and the special person in your life should feel special every day. Guys, if you want to make a girl’s day, do something special on a random day for no other reason than you wanted to. Valentine’s Day is evil because it’s all about pressure. Caring about somebody shouldn’t have anything to do with pressure.

If we can’t get that plan worked out then we need to organize a giant guy convention to discuss our gifts and eliminate those suckers that go way over the top. Until then, gentlemen, we are just digging the hole deeper and making things harder on ourselves

Ladies, I encourage you to write nasty letters to the editor telling me how wrong I am. We need more people reading and writing to the paper. So feel free to lash out at me. I just dig seeing my name in print whether it’s good or bad. Peace out.

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I’ve recently come to the conclusion that I’m scared to death of having a daughter. Although I love kids and I think girls are great, I’ve seen some things that have made me question everything.

For instance, this last Christmas I went home to see my family, which is typically crazy, but this time, it was a little worse.

I was sitting there watching my six-year-old cousin, Catlin, open her gifts and I got a little freaked out. First, she unwrapped this little skirt covered in glitter with a top that said “Princess” or something. In addition to that she received a make-up set and these Hollywood J-Lo sunglasses. Then my grandparents got her some shiny, glittery underwear to top it all off. Don’t ask me why my family got her that stuff because I have no idea.

So then she puts everything on and comes back out wearing the clothes, the sunglasses and an insane amount of make-up. I was like “Wow, what kind of glitter hooker are you guys trying to turn her into!? She’s only six-years-old. Can’t we wait a little while before we just completely give up on her?”

There are a lot of bad guys in this world. I don’t particularly feel like we should advertise or get arrested for showing our Christmas pictures.

After I recovered from that, Catlin comes up to me and asks me to open up the box to some of her new dolls. I’m thinking ‘Alright, this will be better. Dolls aren’t so bad right?’ Let me tell you, we have come a long way since the original Barbie.

I’m opening this box and I see this realistic looking girl doll sporting high heels, an extremely short plaid skirt and a really scandalous top.

To make matters worse, the other two dolls in the box were guys. Whatever happened to man-whore Ken supplying all the Barbies? Not anymore. Apparently there is some healthy competition in the neighborhood and Ken is just hoping for a phone call.

Next thing you know, they’ll start talking and then the world will be in real trouble. You press a button and Ken will say “Sorry Barbie, I know I’m late on child support but I get paid on Friday” or “How do you even know that baby is mine? I mean you’ve got like 80 pairs of shoes and you can’t even find a third of them!”

What’s it going to be like if I had a daughter and the time comes when she wants dolls? My parents will probably run out to get her “Gutter Slut Barbie” with hot accessories like edible underwear and the always important home pregnancy test. “Cock-block Ken” and the rest of the gang of dudes will probably be equipped with a variety of condoms rather than the boom box and roller skates of the past.

The point I’m trying to make is that times are changing and it worries me. Considering the state of things now it is hard to imagine what the world will be like when I have children of my own.

I envision myself in the hospital perhaps seeing my daughter being born and the doctor saying “OK, clean her up and slap one of those glitter thongs on her so we can send her on her way.” I’ll probably have to sit outside the newborn viewing room in my underwear, clutching my shotgun so little Jimmy doesn’t try to make a move.

Although I’m clearly joking, sometimes that’s where I feel like we are headed. I always thought my parents had it rough raising me, but there may be something far worse in store for me. I’m scared and you should be too.

Alec Strenge is senior journalism major.

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This past summer a couple of friends and I set out for a three-day “guy” adventure. Our destination was a lake cabin located in a town well-known for its summer nightlife. The trip was a blast until one frightening evening when it all went very wrong.

We came to the end of a long Friday night, and on the walk home, we decided to make a quick stop at the strip club. I had never been to one and it was a guys’ weekend so I thought ‘Why not? It’ll be fun.’ However, that wasn’t the case.

The first girl on the main stage, the only stage, bore a striking resemblance to Danny Bonaduce, the actor who played Danny in “The Partridge Family.” Only she was quite a bit larger and had various bruises all over her body. While twirling around the pole, she started slapping her chest really hard in a way that looked extremely painful. I looked over to my buddies, who appeared to be completely thrown, and I remember us all having the same pained expression.

I wanted to tell her to stop, but I couldn’t say anything. And if I gave her money, it might encourage her. So I just sat there thinking the whole time if she ever wondered why she had the bruises.

Anyway, it finally ended and the next “dancer” made her way to the stage. Unfortunately, I have yet to make peace with this particular woman and I wish not to go into great detail. I can only say that she was probably not quite 50 years old but was definitely old enough to be my mother and then some. Images of her still haunt my dreams.

At this point in the night, I had lost all the optimism for a quality experience, but it was like seeing a car wreck and not being able to look away. Despite everything, we stayed for the final dancer, which I think was mostly because we were curious what kind of woman we would encounter next.

I guessed it would be some kind of pirate-stripper with missing teeth and a wooden leg that she would just drag around the pole. Or maybe she would continue the trend of the evening by unscrewing the leg, throwing her stump on the rail and then assaulting her chest with her new stick.

However, after grabbing a few drinks we returned to the stage and were pleasantly surprised to find an attractive young woman preparing to dance. No bruises, no wooden leg. It seemed as if we were heading in the right direction at last.

As she began to dance, the seats surrounding the stage remained empty. We started to feel a bit sorry for the girl and decided to show our support for the improvement by moving closer to the stage. This seemed to please her because she shot us a huge grateful smile. And in that moment, I realized my premonition about the pirate-stripper was partly right. To this day, she remains the prettiest woman that I’ve ever seen with half a set of teeth.

Looking back on it now, the trip to the strip club turned out OK. My friends and I still laugh about it, and that night put a bizarre spin on a trip that I will not soon forget.

Alec Strenge is senior journalism major.