Lucinda Albers
The Issue:
The Chuck Norris wave is sweeping America … and the SDSU campus.
I’m sure you have all at one time or another heard some quick-witted saying about Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris does not sleep …he waits. Chuck Norris doesn’t dodge bullets; they dodge him. Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light; not because Chuck is scared of the dark, but because the dark is scared of Chuck. So what exactly started this Chuck Norris sweep? Did his agents pull a “Never Been Kissed” and join a college just to start the underground craze to get him back in the scene? Or did some drunken student randomly watch a late rerun of “Walker Texas Ranger” and decide to start making up facts about the red-headed star? For those of you who don’t know who Chuck Norris is … where the heck have you been? You obviously live under a rock. But for those of you who seriously don’t know, here is a quick rundown of the fabulous life of Chuck (much of his life is omitted because of space).
Carlos Ray Norris was born on March 10, 1940. He was a famous actor in numerous films and TV shows. Norris became a popular martial-arts star claiming titles in many championships. Norris retired as the undefeated professional full-contact middleweight champion on January 17, 1970. Norris is also well-known for his long-running CBS television series, “Walker Texas Ranger”, where he was actually the executive officer as well. He also stared in the “Delta Force” movies. According to my long list of Chuck facts, he is currently suing NBC, claiming “Law and Order” are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
The list of what Chuck can do could go on and on. In fact I could fill this entire page with ‘Just Chuck.’ But I have a feeling you’ll come across these sooner or later. Most likely sooner. And I personally pay no attention to those Vin Diesel versus Chuck Norris lines … In my book, Chuck always wins. I think all of these quotes, though obviously fiction and most likely thought up of by a drugged-up freshman wanting to make friends, are completely and utterly hilarious. Congratulations, drugged-up freshman … you just made a new friend.
But the bottom line is, I love Chuck Norris. I love Chuck Norris because he once tried to sue Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr., insisting that that actually was “his” way. I love Chuck Norris because he won Jumanji without ever saying the word. He simply beat the living crap out of everything that was thrown at him, and the game forfeited. I love Chuck Norris because when he sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not ever had to pay taxes. I love Chuck Norris because he makes me feel safe. He makes me feel like anything is possible. Chuck Norris gives me hope in this world … and in you!
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