Sex That Screams ‘Go Jacks’ Fun, Illegal

Kara Linquist

Dear Kara,

Hobo days is my fave! How can I bring the spirit of Hobo Days into my sex life?!

–Hobo 4-Ever

Dear Hobo 4-Ever,

This is a challenging request, but I think I can help you out! First you will need some supplies. You are in luck because you should be able to obtain most of these at your local Wal-Mart:

1) Blue and yellow lingerie2) Puffy paint3)Rabbit ears and tails (fake ones please)4)Blue and yellow condoms 5)Blue and yellow body paint6)One Hobo Day Parade float7)Bail money

OK, we’ll start by decorating your lingerie, both boys and girls, with words of encouragement. This is what the puffy paint is for; remember to allow drying time. Girls, put your hair in pigtails when you are getting ready; they are fun. Then add rabbit ears and tails — boys too.

Wait until now to purchase those condoms, as you want as many people as possible to know how much fun it is to be a Jackrabbit. You can ask the clerk, but you’ll probably have to sort through the variety of colors included in your box, so be sure to start early. Pick up your body paint at the same time. Now is the hard part. You must confiscate a Hobo Day float. Where else did you think you’d be having sex? The football field will be way too crowded.

Once you have your float, go at it like, um, Jackrabbits. Don’t forget to wrap it up, and have fun with the body paint! You will be arrested shortly, maybe not for stealing the float, but you obviously can’t bring it inside, and we all learned from past articles that outside sex is illegal! So be sure to leave that bail money with someone who will answer their phone!

Have fun, and happy Hobo Days!

For sex advice for upcoming events, try Kara at sdsucollegian@yahoo.com.