“I’ve got one thing to say to you, USD Coyotes. We’re the national champions of women’s basketball and you are not. Neener neener neener.”
Random SDSU student Herbie Hooper at the endof the national championships game againstthe Northern Kentucky Norse. The Jacks won.
“Holy crap! I’ve been killing my own people all these years! Man, I do suck. Okay … all right … come remove me from power. I’m just asking for it!”
Saddam Hussein, after a brief exorcism last Sundayas reported by the Unassociated Press Mon., March 31.Hussein made this statement after being presentedwith documents about his atrocities. He then wept openly.
“I mean, getting Hussein and winning this war is important and all, but can anyone tell me why they convinced me to pick Kentucky over Marquette in my NCAA bracket? Anyone?”
Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld after Marquettedefeated Kentucky to advance to the Final Four, as reported by the UP Mon., March 31.
“Quite frankly, I’m sick of all this war talk. Let’s talk about something important. And that something important is me. Why aren’t you obsessed with my ass, my relationship with Ben Affleck or my lack of singing ability anymore? Don’t I matter to you? What’s Gen. Tommy Franks got that I don’t?”
Jennifer Lopez in an exclusive interview with the Collegian held on Friday. Lopez feels that she is more important than any old war.
“Those who are left alive after this week will be forced to worship me. We will begin the erection of a massive monument in my image next week. Until then, bring me a cookie.”
Super chimp and sole SDSU faculty member Hiramdescribing his plans for the future in an address fromthe top of the Campanile Mon., March 31.
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