Hobo Days gets name change
After a public outcry from hobos and hobo-sympathizers, SDSUs Student Organizers of Hobo Days Committee decided quickly to make a big change. Next year Hobo Days will be re-named: Economically Defunct Transient Appreciation Days. “When I was passing through Tulsa on the 3 a.
Campanile “warbot” to bring peace to world
At 9 p.m. Western (1:43 a.m. Southern ) the U.S. unveiled its newest weapon on the war on terror. “The phallic finality has been activated to protect our borders…as long as we need it. It can go anywhere and is willing to do anything to get our satisfaction,” proclaimed General Hardy Dixon.
Brookings’ location still mystifies Big Sky official
Big Sky Conference Ambassador of Sky Size Measurement Lavereous Hackensack still can’t find Brookings on a map. Although SDSU has been in contact with members of the Big Sky Conference for months, Hackensack was stymied last week when another Big Sky official mentioned SDSU’s interest.
Animals on the loose
Terror swept across SDSU late Sunday afternoon as herds of wild animals broke free from their pens in the Veterinary Isolation Building and stampeded across campus, injuring at least one student and cancelling Monday’s classes. Eyewitnesses reported being attacked by chickens, cows, sheep, horses and a rabid squirrel.
Library lures patrons with PORN exhibit
The H.M. Briggs library is hoping to tempt large crowd through its doors. This spring the library is hosting international learning sensation: Perceptions of Radical Nautilus. With its humble beginnings as a private collection owned by European trader Karl Protextor, Perceptions of Radical Nautilus (PORN) originated in Amsterdam at the turn of the 20th century.
Lady Jacks claim first national title
The smile still rests on the face of the SDSU campus. It is a contagious smile. It is the smile of destiny. It was a smile enhanced when Gov. Mike Rounds proclaimed there would be no classes Monday. It was a smile broadened when the raucous crowd at Frost Arena on Sunday were introduced to their first women’s basketball national championship.
Student forms new country to avoid parking ticket payment
In protest of parking tickets issued by the University Police Department, sophomore civil engineering major Ted Blackwell seceded his Brown Hall dorm room from the United States last week and formed the sovereign nation of Tedistan, which led to tensions with the government of the United States.
Jacks power past opponents to title
The ball hung in the air, arching towards the basket as time expired slowly. Almost agonizingly, the ball spun, partially deflected by a defender. Stacie Cizek had sent it towards the basket from the right wing, only her skill and a prayer to accompany it.
Those lovable kids on the Campbell’s cans love your soul
Looking back over the past two weeks of Collegian articles, I can’t help but notice the vast amount of controversy involving the Christian religion.
It’s getting hot in herre, you unworthy humans
PITIFUL HUMANS! You will rue the day you adopted me as your sole faculty member. Already, my skills with your unworthy language are improving. Soon, I will be composing sonnets and dirty limericks! You are unworthy of Hiram’s love and devotion. It is only through sheer willpower that I have avoided destroying your pitiful campus and laying waste to your city.
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