The Collegian presents the Top Six “In Our Humble Opinion”s of all time:
6. Martha Stewart during the holidays. She makes decorations you can’t fathom with materials you’ve never even heard of. And then she looks into the camera with more moral certainty than you possess on most important issues and tell you “it’s a good thing.” You have to admire that kind of insanity.
5. Cell phones. Sure, they might save your life in an emergency, but if one more person’s cell goes off in class or in a restaurant or in church or in a theater, we’re going to shove that thing so far up the offenders rectal cavity that it will take an act of Congress to remove it.
4. The “Campus Eye.” A glorified supermarket-flier looking “newspaper” (and we use the term loosely) that steals our story ideas and our advertisers. Not to mention we could eat a box of alphabet cereal and crap our better stories.
3. More stupid SA campaign posters strike again. Here’s a great example: “Do you know Jeff Nolz and Justin Lessman? Hell yeah, ya do!” Wow. You guys are too articulate for words. God help us all if you win.
2. Books for a semester: $375; Tuition for 12 credits: $1400; Resume paper and envelopes: $25; Knowing that next fall you’re not going to be a poor schmuck who has to buy overpriced books and listen to over-inflated professors: Priceless.
And Number 1 …The ignoramus who thought it’d be a good idea to put up those two stop signs northeast of the HPER parking lot. There’s nothing like two stop signs in the middle of the road and on a curve. The next time you’re looking for a new place to put a stop sign, swing by the Collegian. We’ll tell you where to stick it…
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